This book focuses on the ministry of Jesus, and in particular how he loves. It is likely one of those books that I'll have to read multiple times in order to get the full force out of it. However, it has been quite profitable and challenging in how I love and don't love so well. I'm mostly done with the book and I won't rehash the earlier chapters, but the topic I just finished was that love depends on God. Miller takes multiple chapters fleshing out this concept. He then moves into the fact that love is energized by faith. The way Jesus pushes his disciples to trust him and stop looking to themselves is quite challenging and refreshing. I'm not actually called to do things on my own apart from him. Miller uses the stories of Jesus feeding large crowds with meager (visible) resources. Here he illustrates that Jesus himself will give us the ability to love. One of the more challenging chapters was that faith requires losing control. Personally I like control, though I don't like the thought of failing...which happens when you lead and are in control. However, failure happens though not by being weak, but by trying to be strong. After feeding the crowds Jesus warns his disciples of the leaven of the Pharisees. They don't get it. They don't understand what he is saying to them. Miller writes: "...Jesus is not upset about the missing bread, nor is he upset that they misunderstood him. Jesus is upset that when faced with a need, the disciples looked to themselves instead of turning to him....They're behaving as if Jesus is powerless to help them." (p. 176)
I think about this on many levels. I'm still working through having a foster child leave our home last week. I hope and pray that he is in the best place (though wishing he were still here) and I'm simply not sure of that. That makes it hard. I want to help. I want to have some control in the situation...and my guess is that I struggle most because I don't have control. It is actually gently reminding me that I really don't have control at all. Though my kids live in my house, I really don't have control over them. And when I think about that in a proper perspective (I think it's proper) it is quite comforting. Because I know that my actions are not consistent. My holiness is not where I want it to be and that affects my kids. But I can also rest in the fact that God is in control. Yes, he calls me to repent and believe the gospel; to model that to my kids; to live sacrificially for my family...but I must always rest in his good and gracious character and plan. I believe, help my unbelief.
God has never failed to be gracious to me and my family. No matter the difficulty of the situation (and by comparison to so many Christians in the world our difficulty has been slight), he is good. Psalm 34 is such a good reminder of all these truths. The eyes of the Lord are toward his children...he is open to their cries. I want to cry more. I want to cry for the Lord to break me of my desire for control and the fleeting comfort I get from that.
Sorry if this has been a bit jumbled, there is a lot going on in my head. Our church has a picnic this Saturday and prior to that we are handing out school supplies in an area that finds it more difficult to get all the needed supplies. We have another informational meeting coming up in two weeks and there is much going on. Thank you for your prayers.
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